PS All-Stars Island Review

All Stars Island is a stain on Sony’s gaming library and a really, really awful idea all round. Whoever green lit this project should be ashamed. It’s an extreme thing to say, but here we have Sony’s answer to the cringeworthy Cdi Nintendo games of the early 90s – except those had a lot more redeeming qualities.

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HA HA HA HA… Seriously.

All Stars Island is a series of cut down mini games involving some of Sony’s most recent mascots. Sackboy’s here as well as Drake, Cole, Clank and Kat ( the Gravity Rush girl). After a short introduction that showcases the awful low poly versions of the characters you’re presented with a world map – only one section of which is currently playable.

And… It’s a terrible clone of Temple Run! – But with Nathan Drake collecting Coke Zero bubbles, unlocking completely random seeming mini games with the other characters. You read that right – this entire “game” is as much about the Coke Zero brand as it is about Sony’s characters.

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I hope you like this loading screen…

It makes no sense. Who is this for? If I see Nathan Drake in a Temple Run clone I expect it to be the best damned Temple Run clone I’ve ever seen, not an embarrassingly mediocre one. I can’t imagine how the guys at Naughty Dog, Media Molecule, Sucker Punch and Superbot feel about Sony whoring out their work in such a terrible way. Letting some no name devs* crap all over their beloved characters, it hurts enough just as a player.

This is so bad, so needlessly random that if they’re willing to publish this crap I don’t see why they don’t just let people make (awful) fan games. They’d be more likely to uphold the character and quality of the ip than this interactive coke ad does.

The voice work is totally wrong and highly amateur. The music is annoying, short loops. The textures are super low res and muddy. The loading times are ridiculous. Technically it’s lacking in almost every way.

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Why does this seem familiar?

It’s shocking. You could make an argument that “it’s free!” – but that’s no excuse, the AppStore is full of free games that embarrass this travesty.

Sony published this trash. I don’t think it cost them anything to produce – I hope it didn’t. SONY! You have a highly capable handheld (more if you include your phones) releasing one of the worst “high profile” games on the App Store is NOT going to increase people’s confidence in you or your handheld platform. Games like this make everyone look bad. iOS can (and constantly does) do so much better than this, and everyone expects so much more from Sony’s properties.

I only hope they reconsider and scrap the whole thing. I don’t care how lucrative a deal cross-promoting with coke zero is, it’s not worth soiling your brand over. It doesn’t make sense to me that the company who bankrolled the “greatness awaits” YouTube & TV campaign could also be responsible for this.

It’s entirely possible, though highly unlikely that when the other sections of the game are unlocked – they might actually be good(!). What reason do we have to expect that though? That doesn’t alter the fact that in its current state the game is both meritless, pointless, ugly and unacceptable.

 

If Joel or Ellie ever appear in this someone needs to be fired.

 

1blob

/5 – Atrocious.

– My review system 

 

* I have no problem with no-name devs, some of the best games are made by no-name devs!